i am that broad.

(*This was written before posted. A process of emotions after experiencing a broken heart, ultimately ending in closure.)


I HATE…
…the sting of betrayal
…that you don’t feel the conviction of what you did wrong
…the fear your actions have created
…that what I truely want , I fear and what I don’t need, I desire
…that you couldn’t be honest when you were the one person I trusted most

I DON’T…
…love you. Your ability to warrent my love wore out the day you traded my love for betrayal
…trust a single word or excuse you try to feed me, for you words are spilt from an unquenching desire to be favored. You only manipulate.
…want what we had, not even a version of it. I want and deserve better.
…want to doubt, to fear, or mistrust
…envy you. Your contentment and happiness will fade until you come face to face with who you really are.

I FEAR…
…allowing myself to love someone the way I loved you
…being hurt the way you hurt me
…actually being happy the way I deserve to be
…hurting someone as deeply as I have been
…but not for long

I WANT…
…to be happy, to be free
…the things I cannot have because they keep me safe, for whatever reason that may be
…to be able to accept and receive the love and happiness I so fear
…what I want and nothing will keep me from it, not even the fear your actions created, that I have allowed in
…to feel the conglomerate feeling of emotions that allowing myself to be vulnerable brings

I WILL…
…get over it, not you - that’s done - but your actions that seem so unforgiveable
…allow peace and happiness rule my life
…be happy and allow myself to be so, one day at a time
…not allow bitterness to rule my life or the plans I have
…forgive you, everyday
…love, unbridled and passionate, like I never have
…never settle, like I did before

I AM….
…growing and changing
…experiencing life without the weight I once felt, no chains to hold me down
…more confidant than ever of what the future holds, though I may not know the details
…surrounded by the greatest amounts of love from the people around me
…me, the one you never allowed me to be
…in love with life

You ruined me, but it turns out, its all been for the better.